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proust questionnaire

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

a warm, summer night under the stars with music, drinks, and dancing

What is your greatest fear?

loneliness

What living person do you most admire?

the ones who have balance

What trait do you most deplore in yourself?

my self-destructiveness

What trait do you most deplore in others?

narrow mindedness

What is your greatest extravagance?

mind altering substances

What is your favorite journey?

I-80 just past the nebraska/wyoming border headed west with the sun sinking over the rockies

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

chastity

On what occasion do you lie?

there are too many to choose

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

my teeth

Which living person do you most despise?

trump

Which words or phrases do you overuse?

fuck, chaos, freedom

What is your greatest regret?

though i don’t really believe in having them, locking the door and refusing to answer my first husband during a fight moments before his suicide

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

poetry

When and where were you the happiest?

atlantic ave., south jersey, 2006 or austin ave., south jersey, 1999

Which talent would you like to have?

to be able to write prose

What is your current state of mind?

ambivalent

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i would be less critical

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

more would still be living

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

survival

If you came back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?

probably a parrot

What is your most treasured possession?

my strength and humor

What do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?

boredom and silence

Where would you like to live?

a garden apartment with a southern exposure in old amsterdam

What is your favorite occupation?

talking, debating over drinks

What is your most marked characteristic?

gesticulation

What is the quality you most like in a man?

depth

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

sincerity

What do you most value in your friends?

understanding

Who are your favorite writers?

the list is always changing, evolving, but usually anything written by an american between 1915 and 1995

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

sherlock holmes

Who are your heroes in real life?

men who died before their time

What are your favorite names?

constance, anais, henry, gregory

What is it that you most dislike?

being given orders

How would you like to die?

on my own terms

What is your motto?

go big or go home

this is my adopted daughter

she says i’m in a rut emulating her favorite movie anti-heroine

and pours a glass of white wine at 11:30 am

after hearing his voice turn curt and drop an octave

as he answers his phone

there was something she was searching for

and almost found

a few months ago but as usual she got distracted

by butterflies in her stomach, a dead deer on the road, and a midnight phone call

so now she’s sharing memories and not contributing anything

NEW

convincing herself that she won’t be dead in ten years

if she quits drinking, smoking, fucking, and creating mayhem

watching her old derelict friends become mothers

questioning all the beliefs she thought she had

tomorrow she whispers

and lights another cigarette

carry on

poetic terrorism gone wrong and now i feel it in my blood

the things that led us to this point cannot be discussed in polite company

and once again i question the alignment of the stars

but there is a blue collar boy clouded in cigarette smoke

who promises that everything will be ok

and i’m inclined to believe him because i have no other choice

one of the voices of my generation is gone

lost forever in sleep

and on that day i saw our symmetry

as i read the paper in my shaking hands

we are all just victims of ourselves

 all we can do is let our lights shine brightly

and continue with the hope that we can be redeemed

through our words or our love or our death