state ward in chi-town

edwin chased razor blades with pinesol

miguel is a chronic masturbator who said

come with me, you want to do sex?

miriam punched me twice, hard

i took lithium and clonopin

with no one to stop me but myself

and now I’m sitting here with these

ghosts, shells of the person you were

i can’t even call so you can

laugh at me

while i wear the pajama pants

the woman who read us our vows wore

800 miles and three suicide attempts

(one successful, two not)

away from a beautiful day in march

ten years ago we thought

crazy could be cured

now the man has become the myth

and the woman has been left a widow

culture shock

the crepuscular dawn lays beside me

as henry miller shakes his cock at me

and doles out a diatribe on art

everyone around me is speaking a foreign language

except for him and an old man in philly

who knew me in the wild west days

i want to jump and scream

that it’s too late now

that all i strived for has perished

in the great fire

all that’s left are the ashes of a husband

whose family disposed of them and me

with a flick of the wrist and

the wink of an eye

but my heart keeps beating

i always wake up

art survives even if it isn’t mine

80 proof love

 i was dreaming of conclusion when i heard the crash of a hard drive mind in a yellow raincoat his dreams got squared by a second grade teacher who kicked a girl out of class for having cool ideas she says that kids don’t live the way they should radical plans to rule the world i’d run away to canada but i hate the cold eyes of his girlfriend as he sneaks a look in my direction and in his mind i’m running my hands across his thighs i could not help to crucify her in a drunken state on a cross made of bedposts let her die for my sins it plays a trick on my mind i think it’s his knock but white trash climb in my bed and whisper hell into my head if i could get away i would believe in god since it would take a miracle to pull me away from an 80 proof love i chased the tequila sunrise with a three month hangover and i was handcuffed to the steering wheel with my own addictions i saw him die that night with a head full of acid and a stain on his shirt somehow we made it back and i could swear the pavement was melting as she drove past the motel for the seventh time i wanted the gun that held me the night before but it was too late for we were already dead

infidelity in atlantic city

i watched your ancient father beat a man to death

while a dog had blood covered puppies

and a woman who was your wife

screamed at me for stealing cigarettes

i don’t want to but i have to quit you

knowing full well where this is headed

me crumpled on the floor like your armani shirt

and you on a plane remembering the taste

of a younger woman’s eagerness

just another night for you but for me

it’s another mistake

the kind that leaves me with a

black eye and a broken heart

no matter how often i’ve felt this

no matter how hardened i think i am

i always toss and turn and

drown in a thousand goodbyes

win harms

mount me like a satyr

the poetry mounts me like a satyr

the old man in philly is reticent

the high school kindred is verbose

the parisian sugar daddy is asleep

i’m faithful to no one but to all just the same

not lies, but untruths

i hate the lie but i necessitate it

now  don’t know which one it is, the lover, the lie

listening to a tune important in the old days

the good(bad)days

the poetry outdoes itself

metaphor, argot, slang, nudges and winks

it’s happy hour somewhere

maybe on the illustrious california coast

but all the history of that western wing

clumps in my throat and induces a gag reflex

the smell of tequila, south central, and a moment

with wielded power

the pattern: destruction and pleading, and

the knight in shimmering armor

that man so many years or days ago

i see the lines i put in his brow

with my junkie chic freudian bullshit

the word for ad in french is pub

i need a pub with darts

to be grandiloquent among the patrons

of all the gin joints in all the towns

of all the world

win harms