strange day, a monday
a luxury car and diana ross
soon it was tuesday
dignity lost bruises on my knees
running home to tell the truth
you dirty whore, he said
wednesday and another
interrogation by those
i hate the most
and they called me a liar
thursday they taped my
favorite jeans in a box
like my sweater 20 years before
and now friday i am a prisoner
in my own home
Tag: rape
epiphany
realizations from foggy recollections
a touch on the forehead and a kiss on my cheek
ending up in the cluttered bathroom
of a cheap motel room
bruised and bleeding thinking of him not here
if only…the words on my lips
as he whispers apologies
maybe meant for someone else but said to me
i question my beliefs and let a long overdue
tear fall
animals
they catch my animal scent
under overpasses
beneath bridges
i walk too seductively
my eyes catch theirs
and that’s the cue
to throw me against a wall
or down on a muddy path
they become the predator
and me their prey
my other self watches
remembering the others
while trying to erase this one
but a hot shower, a cold beer,
and a clean shirt and
i will be exactly how
i was before
october again
faded memories are crystallized by a late night six pack
still blurry from the tears i just can’t fight
he lurks in the shadows of my fear
the lingering odor of his sweat and my blood
i fall into the bathtub filled with ice
trying to sink into the freezing shallows
he wraps his noose around me and
keeps me warm for now
i cannot distinguish the smell on my hands
or the taste on my lips as he slips away
behind a closed, locked door
mourning a dead dog or an empty bottle
he stumbles toward me and he has been crying
for what will happen next
under control
my bruises were the color of revenge in a pinkish tone
revenge for words i didn’t say words he heard years ago
from some nobody walking down the street like some kind of
hard ass but i got a knife held to my throat as he told me
to take off my clothes i guess i shouldn’t come here anymore
i never learn those days were things i couldn’t dream
my mind was liquid and my hands shook what’s your name
little girl? but i wasn’t little i was 36-24-36 and i could rule
the world once he took me aside and said don’t you
worry your pretty little head you want it you got it and
and i was a PRINCESS running down the street from
screeching tires that chased me across town and finally
caught up thrown in the backseat with a half breed
who kissed my neck and took my money my freedom
my life everything will be a.g. ’cause we got it all
under control…and there i lie on this hotel bed
watching him convulse from some kind of overdose
but he’ll be fine ’cause they got it UNDER CONTROL
and i took a 40 oz to quench my thirst as i heard
my name in his plans i wanna talk and i sighed
knowing no words would come from these lips because
i never had a conversation that involved words when they had me
under control
